Sometimes consistency is good. The familiar and comfort of routine is easy to fall into and hard to step out of. It can often lead to doors left close, opportunities missed and staying in the same place. I truly hate "what ifs". If I what if'ed my life I would be depressed and resentful. When my kids start what if'ing I put a stop to it right away. But there's are usually the dumbest ones with no relevance and completely in left field. However that is the ways anyone's are if they are doing it about the past. You can not change the past. It is over, behind you. But the future is still ahead of you and you can do almost anything in it.
When I was a teenagers I never really wanted to go to college. The sororities and parties sounded fun but I otherwise was not interested. I did not like school work and did not want to do 4 more years voluntary of harder school work. College was just not for me. Ironically I am hearing the same from my oldest now. Mom, I don't think I will go to college. But he loves school and has a long time to decide that. I have almost no doubt he will change his mind. He want's do be a video game developer.
But at 17 I did go to college. I did not know what else to do. I went for 5 years to 3 different schools. Community college, a Private university, and an international abroad study. There were good parts. I loved traveling the world and through school I was allowed some of the best experiences of my life. If I had time and money I would do so many more international studies and trips. Yes now I can take vacations to all those places but when you go on a student trip it is quite different than a tourist trip. It is a bit more "real". But it did not turn into anything. I was not ready for college or prepared for afterwards. I was to young. It was not the right time in my life for the studying academic part of it. I did not have the right focus and the organizational skills for it. So it all fizzled out to be just an experience I went through.
As I job hopped afterwards for years I knew I was not doing much with my life. I was also very broke and very much in debt. I had raked up tons of student loans with no real job to pay them back. Then I had kids. I wanted more for them better for them. I thought I love these babies I want to help people have babies too. How hard could it be and what would I have to do to become a midwife? I shortly looked into it but as time flew the idea went to the back burner. I found other decent paying jobs but hated them. I continued having more kids and again time just kept flying.
This past fall pregnant with my 5th child and working in a job I like but does not cut it financially, and the help of a Joel Oestien book Your Time Is Now, I again thought about the idea of going back to school to do what I want to do and will be the avenue to afford all these kids. The what if's hit, if I would have started this when my first child was born I would be WELL done by now. But I quickly squashed that. I can't complain about a what if I can only do from this day forward. With Joel's motivating thoughts in my head, with my older mind that is not shy of hard work and challenges, and a positive attitude I applied for college again as an adult.
Soon I was accepted. Not only accepted by accepted into the pre-medical/biology program. I had looked closer at being a midwife but deemed that is not really for me. My personality and it could work but with a few more years I could be a real baby doctor. After 5 kids it is about time I am on the other side of the table. But knowing I have 5 kids and am in my 30's I talked with the advisers about that reality and I just don't have the time most students do. That is why I am doing the biology route. If I find out this is too much for me to handle I can stop with a new bachelors that could still let me work in labs and this I am only looking at a 2-3 year commitment, the took my other college credits into consideration. If I choose to go on the 4 more years through medical school that door is already there for me I can take it if I want pending acceptance to medical school. Not necessarily the easiest thing to do. All still could be done before I even turn 40. Not to shabby.
So this past week I have started school again. I was a little nervous but that has now been replaced by business.
Why the tinkerbell? I don't know. My son added it there, he thought it was nice so I left it. I do feel old and obviously very pregnant. I am the only pregnant one in class. I was worried about being the old mom in the class. But I am not the oldest and there are other parents as well. I am the only pregnant one. And the only one with 5 kids. I took the two babies there today to the bookstore only and whoa was that an experience. I was chasing them around, leaving stuff all over, reputing their finds back on the shelf's, 2 big mess through the clothes diapers changes and BTW colleges do not have changing tables in the bathrooms. I was unable to get what I need and was told just to call on Monday.
This summer I have 3 classes and in fall 2. I do not have the time right now to go full time since I have to work to pay for 2 private school tuitions and food, kinda important. But I am off for the summer so I spend my time managing all the kids, their activities, and a lot of studying.
What has turned out to be wonderful is how happy the kids are for me. When I come how my oldest excitedly asks me Mom did you have fun at college today? Did you learn a lot? I love being this example for him. Me sitting in front of that wall was the same I took their first day of school pictures in front of.
It is not going to be an easy road. I know that. If it takes me longer than so be it. But at least I am on the road. And the road is beautiful.